hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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