How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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