You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
