Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
