I accidentally had phone sex last night
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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