you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
