I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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