Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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