he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
