I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
