well you can't waste a boner
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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