i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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