His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
