i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
