So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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