I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Ketchup is God's man juice
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Randomize
