well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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