How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
