what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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