my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
