It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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