i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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