In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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