Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
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