i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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