I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
