I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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