just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
