i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
