I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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