Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
