I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
