I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
