i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
