I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
