your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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