Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
