You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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