The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
