At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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