Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Is it penis luge time yet?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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