I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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