Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
