the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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