new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Randomize
