i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
