Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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