And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i wish my penis had a tongue
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
