I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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