..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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